Gifting to FAMILY & FRIENDS.
- Cindy Murphy
- Oct 29
- 8 min read
Ep#5: Downsizing 101: Family and Friends.
This week, the third part of our "Living Smaller & Loving It!" BLOG brought to you by Downsizing Simplified, focuses on gifting your belongings to family and friends. Episode #4 stressed the importance of "you" and keeping (within reason) the things that have special meaning for you. Episode #3 (Part One of Downsizing 101) was about setting goals and putting together a plan that fits your specific downsizing scenario, whether planning a move or staying in your home. Episode #2 blog post covered the decision and commitment to carrying out the desire to downsize and live a smaller life with less stuff.
As I stated in Episode #3, sorting and paring down the contents of your home is by far, at least in my professional opinion, the most challenging step in the downsizing process. It requires focus and hard work. It is NOT a walk in the park.
You've made your decisions about what you want to keep — from knick-knacks to furniture and everything in between —and you're feeling pretty good about your choices. Remember, you can always revisit your decisions. No rule says you can't; however, it's advised, just from a 'sanity' standpoint, that revisiting and second-guessing your decisions too many times can lead you into an endless cycle, which is tiring and should be avoided.
Family & Friends.
Grab your pencil, paper, and phone, and look around at what you're not keeping. Begin thinking about family and friends and what they might want. Because you know your intended recipient well, it shouldn't be too difficult to match a particular item with a person. Another thing to keep in mind is past conversations you had with that person about the item or any favor they might have shown toward it. Please write it down or take a photo of the item to include with your offer. It's easy to send the photo to see if there's interest as you're going through things; be sure to let the intended recipient know why you're sending the picture. Make it easier: if there's more than one thing you'll be offering to a single person, group the items for the photo(s) and send them together.
Here are some considerations when deciding on gifts for family and friends:
Are there family heirlooms? This can get a little sticky, especially if more than one family member desires the same item. We often recommend meeting with each family member separately and noting their item(s) of interest. Many parents are surprised when their adult children make selections based on memories and the emotions tied to the piece, rather than its value. There may be times when a selection lottery is used to determine who gets the piece(s), so be prepared. It's best to avoid hurt feelings, which can cause a rift in the family. Again, one-on-one initial meetings are the best approach.
What about like-mindedness or a shared appreciation for things like art, books, pottery, glassware, etc.?
Do you have similar decorating tastes? Are there decor items or furniture you no longer want or need?
Shared hobbies and related arts-and-crafts materials can be highly desirable to a fellow hobbyist.
Is cooking their thing? Lots of kitchen goodies and gadgets—from cookbooks to small appliances—can be offered for the taking. Do you have any grandchildren setting up house? Now would be a great time to help furnish their kitchen.
Gardeners and landscaping enthusiasts love tools, potting accessories, and yard equipment. SCORE!
Gifting complete collections may be a considerable burden on the receiver, especially if they have no place or desire to display or care for the collection. A better approach is to offer a piece or two from the collection.
When gifting, you want the light-up effect when something is offered. That "YES! thank you." NEVER, EVER, ASSUME that just because you're offering something, it will be happily received. It's always best to ASK and NOT ASSUME when offering something to family members or friends. And if the items you're offering are turned down, please don't take it personally.
Here are a few reasons why your family members or friends might decline your offers:
They have more than enough stuff of their own; they don't need anything else coming into their homes. (The older they are, the more stuff they'll probably have.)
They are on their own downsizing journey and are actively sorting and paring down their homes.
They don't have the same taste. Example: Young adults today are more likely to turn down dated furniture and decor items. And they will typically not want anything they can't put in a dishwasher, such as fine China, fancy crystal stemware, or elaborate serving pieces. If they entertain, they keep it simple — no fuss, thank you.
Your clothing and accessories do not suit their taste. (Enough said?)
It's best, if at all possible, to gather your gifting items together as you sort. You can use tubs or boxes (clearly marked with the contents and the recipient's name or names), bags, or designate an area within the room you're working in to keep the items until you're ready to "gift". Select a drawer, shelf, or cupboard, for example, for these items — keep them separated from the things you want to keep. As you come across more items to gift, you can simply add to the areas you've already designated. However, try not to overcrowd your space with gifting items. If they are boxed and tagged, you may want to temporarily move them to a storage area in the home.
Make them lunch and they will come (or something like that).
A personal story about the creative way my mother went about gifting the things she didn't want to move to her new retirement community. Adjacent to the family room in the basement was a laundry and storage room with large shelving units my dad had installed when the house was built. And on the shelving were things that had been there for many, many years, including stuff from when my sisters and I were in high school.*
Mom decided a great way for us (3 daughters, granddaughters, and great granddaughters) to see everything was to lay it all out on tables arranged in a horseshoe. Mom, an excellent cook, put together a yummy lunch to start the afternoon. We ate, visited, then grabbed a "shopping" bag for our trips around the tables. We had so much fun looking through everything and gathering the things we wanted. It was an enjoyable afternoon sharing stories and just being together.
Following our afternoon together, we called a local thrift store and arranged a pickup. The donation went smoothly, and a couple of weeks later, the move was done, and Mom was living happily in her independent retirement community.
*If you are storing things in your home for other people, including your grown children, it's time to move them on. Let them know what you have of theirs and see if they want it. If they do, gather it up and set it aside for pickup. If not, bye-bye, you don't need to be the keeper of their forgotten or left-behind things. Set a pickup date, or you'll have to make repeated reminder calls. We had one client who filled grocery bags and put them by the front door for pickup, so when the kids came over, they could take their bag of goodies with them. So you know, I've moved numerous things onto our adult children over the years—not a big deal; out of our house, into theirs.
A Little About Our End-of-Life Doula Work Focusing on Gifting.
This newly added service assists terminally ill clients by helping them make gift decisions for family and friends before their death. Our service assists the client in several ways, for example, cleaning out hard-to-reach areas of the home, to pulling together just a few pieces. Either way, this real-time bequeathing act gives the client control over decision-making and, most of all, cherished time to spend with their chosen recipient. (Photos and a complete listing of items bequeathed with the client's signature provided at the end of the work session.)
*All doula services performed by Cindy Murphy, Downsizing Simplified. Hospice volunteer trained.
To inquire about this service, please call, email, or send a message through the Contact page of the website:
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After your friends and family have made their selections, there will more than likely be things left. Now what?
Coming up in Episode #6: DONATE. SELL. RECYCLE. TRASH.
Included in this episode will be information on what to donate and how to donate to a charity or thrift store, on ways to sell—consignment, moving or estate sale, auction, or online—and on recycling centers, and when a dumpster should be ordered.
Hope you'll stop in for this final episode in "Downsizing 101"!
If you, a friend, or family member could benefit from our "Living Smaller & Loving It!" blog posts or services, don't hesitate to get in touch with us through our website at: Contact | Downsizing Simplified
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Living smaller, or downsizing, is about making the necessary choices to redefine what it means to live a more condensed, refined, and purposeful lifestyle and love it.
It's a deliberate choice that simplifies your life, allowing you to enjoy your environment more fully. So, whether you are moving or looking to redesign your existing living space(s), we're here for you. We will cover many helpful downsizing topics and tips, which we hope will expand your knowledge and foster a healthy attitude toward living smaller.
Here are a few blog post topics we've got in store for our subscribers:
Making the decision to downsize (moving or aging in place).
Downsizing is a series of steps, a process. What are the steps to successful downsizing?
How to craft a downsizing plan that works. Learn how to stay connected and on track with your plan.
Sorting and paring down is the most time-consuming and challenging step in the downsizing process—planning it out, pulling it off.
Avoid wasting time organizing your clutter. Understanding the chaos that clutter causes—the Chronic Keeper explained.
Seasonal opportunities to declutter, organize, and donate. Sorting & paring down clothing, decor, and more.
Finding a new home environment that meets your needs today and in the future. (Calling all retirement communities!)
Redesigning and rethinking your current living space. Discover a new look that offers a fresh perspective on how you live.
Making decisions about the things you no longer want or need. (Family, friends, sell, donate, trash.)
Understanding the emotional side of leaving a longtime, memory-rich home. Asking for support when you need it.
Talking to the family. Preparing for possible pushback. or embracing your downsizing decision with open arms.
How to hire professional downsizing help. How do you know when the time may be right?
Helping family members through the downsizing process. Adult children and parents—local and long-distance.
Understanding how estate sales work (mostly). From a garage sale to selling online, explaining the choices available.
Thrift stores can be our friends or not. Best practices for donating your items. Avoiding the thrift store traps.
Packing, moving, and unpacking. Settling into your new lifestyle as quickly as possible.
Selling your home. Getting the house buyer ready. Selecting the right real estate agent.
...and so much more!
Is there a topic you would like explored, or a personal downsizing story you'd like to share? Send us a message, we'd love to hear from you! (Your experience could help others.)
We recently completed our redesigned website, and we're incredibly excited about the additional content we've added, as well as the improved navigation to help you on your downsizing journey. We've added an FAQ section, and in early November, we'll launch our "Stories, Snippets, & Shares" page.
Click here to take the new website tour or subscribe to the BLOG.
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